Christmas Morning

Max woke at 6:30 am and shouted, "I HAVE A GOOD FEELING !!!!!" Alex was quick to follow with the waking and the extreme excitement. Max could see the new Polar Express train set that was running near the tree downstairs...

"ALEX, I SEE A TRAIN! SANTA WAS HERE!!!! I SEE THE POLAR EXPRESS!!! AND THERE'S A BELL!"
"OH. MY. GOSH!!!!!!!!," she squealed.

They both ran downstairs and were blown away by all of the packages. They kept showing each other all of their presents. They were so happy I couldn't take my eyes off of them - partly because it was such a beautiful sight and partly because I was worried they might actually explode.

Dan and I grabbed some coffee and we proceeded to watch them tear through all of the wrapping paper. Mid-pile Max said, "THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS - EVER!" Alex was in definite agreement.

It truly was a Christmas filled with pure, unadulterated joy.

And this is the only way I can describe it:

They just adored everything. Everything. Especially the chapstick. They were beyond thrilled to be getting flavored chapsticks... sure, they liked the Wii... but, Oh My God... "DR. PEPPER FLAVORED CHAPSTICK!!!"

Complete elation. Exactly how a Christmas morning should be.

The UPS truck

Max heard the doorbell ring this morning and he got all excited and ran to the door. He could see the UPS truck out the window and the packages that the delivery man had left and he just started screaming, "THE UPS TRUCK! THE UPS TRUCK IS HERE!... AND HE LEFT PACKAGES!!!" He has loved the UPS truck ever since his train table and train set arrived years ago via the big, brown truck.

UPS truck = very good things.

He opened the door and said, "Hello! Thank you for the packages." The guy said Hi back... and Merry Christmas. "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO!" He was so extremely happy... he was actually jumping up and down!

Then he read who the packages were for - he saw my name and he just completely lost it. "AWE. COME. ON. WHY DON'T I EVER GET ANY PACKAGES?!?" He dropped the packages inside, ran into the living room crying, and fell onto the couch in a heap... beyond disappointed. He just couldn't take one more package with my name on it.

I hadn't really realized how badly I've been torturing him with all of my online Santa-purchases. I kind of feel bad.

But I'm guessing he'll feel very differently on Christmas morning.

Mr. Handsome

Max had a holiday concert last night. He was so excited to put his "costume" on. When he was dressed he looked in the mirror and said, "WOW! I really look good in this!"

His confidence definitely carried over into his performance. He was super into it - just singing his heart out and really getting into all of the movements that were choreographed to go with the words. I was really impressed with how well everyone was doing... and then came the rainbow song. They had to make a rainbow with their arms at least fifty times. Even I got tired just watching them. Halfway through you could see a lot of eyes glazing over... some of them started to yawn... but they kept singing and doing the rainbow move. They were committed. Max was done though.

During the next song he started playing with his shirt... as in - Hey, look, I can put my hand in my shirt - between these two buttons - I can touch my skin - I can take it out - and then put it back in!!! The entire song. I couldn't help whispering, "For the love of God... Please, pay attention, Max." Mostly, I was just glad he wasn't discovering something in his pants. And then there was another song. For that one he played with his cuffs - he would hide his hands and then clap the stiff cuffs together - he was completely amused by that. Dan was laughing hysterically... getting it all on film. FINALLY - Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer was up and he started to sing and groove again - and then, thankfully, it was over. Merry Christmas.

Face-Plant on the Sidewalk

She was so excited to go swimming... she was running and running and then - BAM!

This Stamp On My Hand...

Ask Max how his day at school was and you'll get, "GOOD!"... and then you're pretty clueless beyond that. Even when you try to ask certain questions that should elicit more than a one word answer it's either "I DON'T REMEMBER" or just plain nothin'. In fact, in the odd moments that he does decide to share anything about his day, his little blurbs or short stories come out so completely absent of any context and fragmented beyond belief that I end up wondering whether he was actually at school.

But the other day Max came home with a stamp on the back of his hand and before I could say anything he was telling me all about it... in GREAT DETAIL: "Mom, this stamp is from the cafeteria and it means that I don't have any lunch marks left so you need to buy me some more. You can either go in and buy them... do you remember where the cafeteria is or do I need to show you again?... or you can buy them online. But if you buy them online they charge a processing fee - just so you know. Can I buy snacks with my lunch marks? Because some kids get snacks, but they said that I have to ask you if it's okay first. They have these small chocolate cookies and also those kind of marshmallow-rice crispy bars. Did you know that the fourth graders eat after we do? They start lining up about 10 minutes after we do and then when we start lining up for recess they come in and eat after us. I saw my book-buddy today lining up. He's in fourth grade. But we do the book-buddy reading in the library... on Wednesdays. Wednesday is our library day. We check books out and do buddy reading. I still can't find and Phineas and Ferb books though..." and on and on like that. It was awesome!

So basically, I'm thinking that the act of stamping him is slightly akin to programming him and I was wondering if I could ask the teachers to just start stamping him periodically throughout the day... or would that be too weird?

The best part was that he was telling me about the lunch marks RIGHT AWAY ... and NOT the next morning as we're screeching into the congested parking lot with 2 minutes to go before the last bell. I think I could use this outcome to implement forehead stamping on the day before a field trip ... I NEED A SACK LUNCH TOMORROW! Seriously, it would probably eradicate 90% of the parental migraines.

Happy Birthday, Alex.

I'm excited for 4. If the past few months are any indication, four is going to be packed full of singing, dancing... and lots and lots of giggling.
I love that she sings all day long. She has this amazing ability to remember all of the words... and if by chance she forgets them... she just makes them up and keeps on singing... usually much louder... and with complete conviction that she's just made the song so much better! I LOVE THAT! That... and her authentic sense of style. I've never seen it work anywhere else, but on her, dresses totally go with pants.

I Think I Just May Be Doing Something Right

Conversation I overheard tonight:

Dan to Max and Alex: "Let's go upstairs and get ready for a bath."

Max: "NOOOOO! WE'RE NOT READY YET!"

Dan: "But it's almost bedtime, Max. It's getting late."

Max: "YOU CAN'T TELL US WHAT TO DO! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS!"

Dan: "Oh, really!?! Who is???"

Max: "MOMMY!"

Alex: "YA!"

BEDHEAD...

A proud supporter of the super shitty morning...

Huge Milestone

We just got back from a fantastic hike up into the foothills. Max was awesome. He walked for miles without one complaint or bribe... if you don't count the the initial: "OH, COME. ON! I DON'T WANT TO GO FOR A HIKE!!! WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO FOR A HIKE?... THE TV's ON!" He really enjoyed it today... I mean, he's always enjoyed hiking (once you get him going), but now... he really likes checking out the map and trying to figure out where we are ("Now, where is that picnic shelter?"), he reads the signs, he likes learning about different rocks and trees. It's just a completely different experience with him. I love it.



And this is how Alex spent most of the hike... asleep. She wasn't feeling very well so she was thrilled to take it all in while being carried. It's good she enjoyed it since her time-in-the-backpack is just about over... her legs were almost touching the ground...

While Dan was taking this picture I was watching Max dodge yet another muddy section. To accomplish this, he would either walk a mile out of the way to avoid it all together (I think he ended up walking about 10 more miles than we did) or he would walk just to the side of the mud in the snow patches. In this case, he was walking through the snow patches very gingerly, while holding up his pants so that the bottoms didn't get wet. His antics were, of course, accompanied by loud grunts and noises and: "WHOA!... OH NO!... WHOO, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE..."

When you're in the mood for it, he is pure entertainment.

HALLOWEEN '09

Snow Angel and Ultimus Prime

October Snow Days

First Day of School - 1st Grade

He has always been excited to go to school and this year was no exception. When I picked him up from his first day of school I asked him how it was and he said, "IT WAS GREAT!... but Mom, you didn't buy the right Ziploc bags for my lunches!!!!! (I had just bought about 800 at Costco.) I told you I need the ones with the ZIPPER! I can MANAGE those. I can't close those other bags. You need to buy me things I can MANAGE by myself!!!" And that was it. That was all that I got out of him. At least he keeps wanting to go back everyday. That's good enough for me...

Skillz

Look who learned how to wink this summer.

It's a stupid question. Really.

Last night I asked the kids what they wanted to have for dinner.
"MARSHMALLOWS," they screamed.

I had to admire the simplicity... and the fact that they knew exactly what they wanted... they also wanted them for lunch... they've wanted marshmallows all the time ever since we got back from our camp trip. I was so tired I actually considered tossing them the bag and telling them to knock themselves out. Then I thought about trying to put two kids with an extreme sugar high to bed and it just made me want to cry. So I took a deep breath and told them we'd be having grilled teriyaki chicken with rice and baby carrots (the only healthy meal I could come up with that required minimal effort - leftovers - but, technically not for them) and they were all upset and whiny... as expected... as if I were offering dog food.

Anyway, I set down these really lovely plates of food and, of course, once they started eating they kept going on and on about how much they love carrots, and Alex kept saying, "I really love this chicken dipped in the sauce -it's yummy", and Max was inhaling the rice saying, "this is just too good!"

Then I made the mistake of trying to talk to them about being thankful for food and how lucky we were to be eating such a nice meal and that lots of people in the world weren't so lucky. Max was looking at me with these huge eyes and I thought he was really interested in what I was saying. Then he kept making all kinds of other weird-non-appropriate expressions with his face and I realized that he was completely bored with me and was just trying to entertain himself. He does that often.

But for some reason (I desperately miss adult conversation -it's been almost two weeks since Dan's been gone) I went on and on about food and then it morphed into how I grew up with Tang (which I actually thought was orange juice) and Shake-n-Bake chicken (which I actually thought was BBQ chicken)... and how Tootie didn't cook much so a lot of times we just had cereal for dinner and I thought for sure Max would shout, "I love cereal for dinner!" because that's what we had the night before and it's a pretty rare thing here so he liked the novelty; but instead he just looked at me with these tired eyes that said, "shut-it, woman and just let me eat." So I did... and at that point they had completely forgotten about the marshmallows... and it was bedtime.

I totally cannot win.

So the other day I was trying to get shoes on Alex and slammed right into a brick wall.

Me: "How about your running shoes?"
Alex: "No."
Me: "How about your pink crocs?"
Alex: "No."
Me: "How... about... your gel shoes?"
Alex: "No."
Me: "Those orange sandals that Max used to wear - you like those!"
Alex: "No. I don't want to wear ANY of those shoes. I DON'T WANT ANY SHOES!!!."
Me: *shit*

Ding. Ding. Ding. Then I remembered this pair of sandals we bought for her a few months ago - incase she outgrew her other ones over the summer - and also because when she saw them in the store I knew we wouldn't be leaving them behind without a very long, loud protest - she fell in love with the pink and red flowers - and I was really tired - and they were only a couple of bucks.



I was so happy and pleased with myself - we had to go - it was getting late - and she needed shoes. I thought phew! crisis averted.

Me: "Oh, I know Alex... let's try those new pink and red sandals that are in the closet."
Alex: "OH, OKAY. OHHHH. I LOVE THOSE SHOES!!!"

So we put them on her and she was excited beyond belief to be wearing them. And then she took a couple of steps and started screaming that they weren't right!

Me: "What's not right?!"
Alex: "THIS!"
Me: "WHAT?!"
Alex: "This part - pointing to where her toes were." "FIX IT!"

Her toes were touching the pink part and she only wanted them to be on the red. When she pushed her heels back they were just on the red but every time she took a couple of steps they landed on the pink. She started freaking out.

Me: "I'm sorry. I can't fix that. That just happens. Your toes must want to be on the pink - they keep moving over there."

Alex just stares at me. What the...? I'm completely desperate. I even made up a stupid silly song about her toes touching the pink. She just kept stomping her feet and screaming.

Me: "Do you want to take them off?"
Alex: "NO."

Last resort. I told her to go show Daddy.

Me: "I bet Daddy will LOVE those shoes. Go show him how pretty they are."
Alex: (laughing through her tears... she liked that idea) "Okay. Ya, because he will really like these."

And then she was fine.
*thank god for Daddy*

Sand Dunes

Max climbing his way out of a super steep hole.


Alex at the top of High Dune.


Dan and Max running down High Dune. (Max climbed the whole way up!)


Playing in Medano Creek.

I have to admit, I've been slow to embrace the whole car-camping concept. Given the choice, I prefer backpacking to a secluded spot in nature over sleeping in - basically - parking lots with trees. But the kids - and this place - have definitely changed me. From the moment they got out of the car, they had so much fun! I almost think you could pitch a tent in an actual parking lot and they'd have the time of their lives. They just love the novelty of it all. It didn't even matter to them if it was raining, windy, cold, hot, swarming with mosquitos... they rolled with it all and really enjoyed themselves! It was awesome.

Breakfast

I love this picture of her. She's really starting to look like a little girl... and there's nothing like a chocolate filled croissant for breakfast.

Barefoot Bliss

The other day I was outside with Alex repotting tomato plants. She saw all of the worms in the compost I was using and became so excited. She loves worms. She loves to hold them... and hug them... and kiss them... and talk very softly to them. She'll even carry them around for hours - showing them different things in the yard.

So I gave her two. She wanted a big one and a baby one. "Hi, Sweeties," she said. They sat very still in her tiny hand. "Mommy, why are they not moving?" Maybe they're sleeping. "Yes, I think they are," she whispered.

Standing in the sunlight - wind gusts blowing her golden hair around - she cradled the worms in her hands, rocked them slightly, and started to sing to them - in her most beautiful, gentle, soothing voice - Frere Jacques.

Then she delicately placed them back in the dirt.

Playing With Toys In Every Other Way Than The Way They Were Intended

I think Max is ready to start climbing... or at least he's ready to learn how to not kill himself. This morning he took the jump rope and tied one end around his waist (with a pretty good knot I have to admit) and then proceeded to tie the other end of the rope around the top of the banister (a sort of self belay set-up) to lower himself down the stairs. When I told him that wasn't a good idea, he just huffed, rolled his eyes at the "not safe" part, and went outside and did the same thing on his play set... and ended up dangling in mid-air! He started yelling for help - and this is the scary part - there is always a scary part with Max: he was yelling because the sprinklers were on and he knew the next zone was about to pop up underneath him; not because he happened to be trapped, hanging high above the ground. That was the part he liked!

Toys Are Such a Waste of Money

This contraption on Max's dresser, made of rubber bands we find out by the common mail boxes and hangers from new clothes, is their most favorite toy as of late. Max strums and plucks away while Alex sings extemporaneous songs in her super high singing voice... "Sometimes - when I go into the bathroom - I have to hold my nose - because it stinks - because Mommy pooped. It is very, very stinky - oh so very stinky - when Mommy poops."

Sheer genius.

I can't complain. Really. They'll play like that - without fighting - for a LONG time.

Mommy, WE REALLY NEED THIS!

Max loves to watch TV. He would spend hours and hours in front of it if I let him. Since he has been able to read the guide he has realized that there's not just ONE show on at a time - Quite the revelation! - So lately his favorite part about the whole TV experience is being able to use the remote to flip through all of the shows he likes and watch them simultaneously. This is a sure way to cause Alex to completely lose her shit - she'll be happily enjoying a show and then, suddenly, he changes the channel!!! Enraged screaming ensues. I feel for her - I can completely relate. I'm sure there's a genetic link between remote control usage and the Y chromosome.

But I digress. Along with all of the TV shows, obviously, come the commercials. I can pretty much tell you which ones he sees because he relates them to me almost verbatim. A few months ago, he kept telling me we needed Vonage : "Because you get more for less! It's only $9.95 a month for the first 3 months and then only $24.99 after that. You get to keep your existing phone number AND there's NO ACTIVATION FEE! Mommy, we should really get this." Then it was Aqua Globes: "They can water your plants AUTOMATICALLY for up to 2 weeks. They can water the plants while we are on vacation! They have a beautiful hand-blown design and you can buy four for ONLY $14.99!!!!" After that came the Topsy-Turvy tomato plants: "MOM, we should buy this! Water flows from the ROOTS to the FRUITS! and you can pick them without bending over and all of that backbreaking work!" Most recently it's the Touch-N-Brush. I hear about it whenever we brush his teeth: "Mommy, it uses a vacuum force to dispense the perfect amount of toothpaste every time. If we got it there would be no more messy, sticky bathroom sinks, no more fighting for the last drop of toothpaste, and no more crusty toothpaste tubes. You just press it on with suction cups, insert any kind of toothpaste tube, and then slide on the cover... AND... it's only $19.99!"

You know, I have to humbly admit, I actually considered getting the Touch-N-Brush... thinking that it might make them excited to brush their teeth... and it would help them do it independently... and that would be a good thing... right?! Then, thankfully, I had a realistic vision of Max and Alex with it. We were washing our hands in a public bathroom. Max was getting some foamy soap and he said, "HEY, MOMMY, THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TOUCH-N-BRUSH!" Then he kept pressing it - and pressing it - and pressing it - until there was this huge pile of foam his hands... so much that it was starting to drip on the floor and all over the sink - and then - since some dropped out of his hands he kept pressing for more. Alex was, of course, doing exactly the same thing. There was foamy soap everywhere.

Conclusion: In our house, a tube of toothpaste in a Touch-N-Brush would last about a day. Um. Ya. NO, we don't really need that, Max.

I love waking up to snow

... even in April.

Park that Daddy Knows

The other day Max wanted to go to a certain park, but we had never given that park a name... like Red Park, Orange Park, Snow Park, Spinning Park, Pirate Ship Park... so I was having a hard time figuring out which one he was talking about. All he could tell me was that it had an orange digger, a red, blue, and green sign, and he said "I went to it when I was a baby - when I was 3." I could only think of two parks that had diggers, but he was sure those weren't right. He started to get really frustrated and gave me another hint, "it's in Colorado!" ... as in, if you can't think if it now... well, then... And I couldn't. "I'm sorry, Max. I can't think of any others that fit your description." Silence. Then he says with complete and utter disdain, "I WISH DADDY WAS HERE. HE WOULD KNOW WHAT I WAS SAYING!"

Seriously? After all of the pink milk I've made for that boy! Actually, I knew this day was coming. But I thought I had a few more years before the contempt began. What's really sad is that he was right. Dan figured it out that night. He remembered the park near my old apartment in Denver... with an orange digger... and the sign. We've been to it two times and I think the last time was when he was 3.

Dear Max,
In my cognitively impaired defense, Daddy is the one who's had sleep in the past five years... and I'm not complaining about that one bit... really I'm not. That's more time I've had hugging and kissing and snuggling with you... and listening to you tell me how much you love me. You're growing up so fast though; I don't know how much longer I'll have that kind of closeness with you. When you say certain things to me these days, I realize you're no longer a little, toddler boy. You're a boy who rides around on his bike with all of his neighborhood friends, who shakes peoples hands and says, "Nice to meet you!", who has such confidence that he can walk into a room full of people and say, "HELLO EVERYONE!" , and, like most other boys you think saying POOPY HEAD is the funniest thing in the world. You drive me crazy sometimes - I love you too!!!

April Snowstorm

Max went out first to play. He ended up making a ramp off of the end of the slide. It was so fast - and really launched them forward into the snow. They loved it! Because at our house super fun = super dangerous!

My Daughter Doesn't Play With Dolls

You'd think this was my first day on the job...

This morning Alex asked if she could take her new favorite, very small, rubber, bouncy ball to Costco. And I immediately just said, "SURE." Red Flag! Red Flag! Red Flag! You should NEVER, EVER say YES in such a quick manner. That's like rule #1 in The Book... wherever that thing is. You always say NO at first. It buys you some time to think about all of the possible scenarios and whether or not you have the energy and sense of humor to deal with them. I can't even say MAYBE to my kids because they think it means YES - if Max smells an inch of wiggle room I'm completely screwed.

Anyway.
I know you'll be astonished to hear this: the damn thing ended up bouncing all over the store - and there I was - like the stupidest person that ever lived - chasing after it - with the monster cart - for the better part of an hour while Alex screamed, "MY BALL, MOMMY! GO GET MY BALL." For some reason I kept giving it back to her because it seemed like a preferable alternative to listening to her scream about not having it. But like I said... I wasn't thinking clearly. Obviously.

Spring Glue Project

The other day the kids and I made these little, hatching chicks for Easter. I love the crazed look they ended up having - which perfectly reflects the energy of the craft scene. There were feathers and little bits of feathery pieces EVERYWHERE.... for days.

Don't Be Messin' with Alex

Dan made this sign for Alex's bedroom door so that she won't be scared to sleep by herself. It was her idea and it has worked beautifully so far... though Max almost blew it by telling her that dragons and dinosaurs can't read! I say almost because this was her response to him (as it is most of the time): "MAX, DON'T SAY THAT TO ME!" ... and then she stomped away.

Porn for Moms

We caught two more mice in our traps. YAY - there's probably only a hundred more. I saw them the next morning... but since they were in the basement I left them for Dan. As a past trapper, I don't like to deny him the experience. I'm thoughtful like that. No really... there's nothing like watching your husband man-up and peel mice heads off the trap boards before dropping them into the trash... it's so HOT!...

It's not the rubber gloves, or even the way he expertly handles dead animals that turns me on... it's the "Here - honey - let me take care of that ultra-disgusting task for you."

Eight simple little words: Let me take care of that... without bitching or whining... just because I want to... for you.

Another Reason to Get a Cat

The mice are amongst us. We caught four in traps last week with no sign of anymore until today. Mice poop in the kitchen. Shit. Apparently that's not all I said. Alex started yelling at Max to come downstairs "because there's a freakin' mouse in here with lots of mouse poop - come look at the poop!" I stuffed a laugh down at first, and then she just kept saying it... freakin' mouse... freakin' mouse... freakin' mouse... Mommy, there's a freakin' mouse in here...

No public outings for her for a few days.

To put the final touches on this very long day of sucky parenting, I set the mother-effin traps and managed snapping my previously-smashed-and-almost-finally-healed finger at least 3 times. Parenting is not the only thing I suck at. At least no one but the mice were around to hear me.

I can't wait 'til morning.

Back to Normal

It turns out all Alex needed was a nice, long bubble bath and a mini mani/pedi afterwards. That, and I started saying 'stupid underwear' to her every 15 seconds. For some reason she thinks those two words (part of a line from The Polar Express) are the funniest words EVER. Honestly, she doubles over with hysterical laughter every time she hears them... it just kills her.

While I was giving Alex a bath, I heard music coming from downstairs and realized Max had turned on the iPod and stereo... and had found his two favorite songs these days: I Walk the Line and Ring of Fire. I thought, Holy Crap, he figured out how to use the iPod! Then, Hallelujah!, now he can sit and listen to the same song over and over again all by himself. And that's what he did. By the time we went downstairs for dinner he was still dancing and singing to Ring of Fire. Mostly he just likes yelling FIRE.

One of Those Days

Today is one of those days I wish I could buy some patience. Dan is out of town. Alex has been in the. foulest. mood. all. day! By foulest mood I mean that she screams or cries at me for EVERY LITTLE THING! And, apparently, nothing is right in her world today. This is just a small sampling:

"Max is talking do me! Don't say that to me! Max, don't even look at me! That piece of pancake is in the syrup! I didn't want water! I'm not hungry! I'm hungry! I don't want to wear this (everything in her dresser)! No shoes! NO, you can't comb my hair (even though it looks like a major rat's nest)! Where is my dog? I can't find my dog! (I have to mobilize Max to help me look for the dog - desperate measure - we found it, thank god.) Oh, no, there is a feather on my blanket! Get that bug off the slide! I can't go down with that bug on the slide! (It was so small, it took me five minutes to even find it) NO, I don't want to take a nap! I'm not tired! (she did sleep, but of course, woke up crying) Hold me (wailing at the shower door-no place is sacred)! GO AWAY! Hold me! NOW! Now, go away!"

I am sooooo tired.

Skiing Last Saturday

Before I took this shot, it was just Max, Alex, and I and Dan was off taking his turn to skate. Max skied really well around the large loop near the nordic center (he was really pushing off and gliding- I am constantly amazed at how quickly he picks things up) and then we stopped at this little hill so he could practice going downhill. Of course he had no problem getting up the hill, but the first run down was a bit of a disaster - totally leaning back with the poles circling - and then the inevitable crash. So I implored him (he tends to tune me out -just the beginning I'm sure-) to hold his poles out in front of him and bend his knees... and Voila! ... he looked like a little ski racer.

Alex was happy rolling around on the hill eating the snow and somehow managed to avoid getting smashed by Max careening down toward her.

I should note also that Max quickly became bored with the groomed hill and soon ventured off into the snowy, tree-filled area right next to it to see what that would be like... at which point I thought to myself, what the fuck am I doing - putting this child on skis and teaching him to go downhill?! And then I thought... he's going to have to wear a helmet... even for cross-country skiing... this child is going to have to wear a helmet.

Dear Alex.

Dear Alex,

The other day we went to Petsmart to get you a fish. Since Max has a fish in his room, you have recently insisted that you should have your own fish in your room. Fair enough.

When we got to Petsmart and walked in, you immediately found and gravitated to the cats up for adoption. We went into the room so that you could say Hello to all of them and you talked very sweetly to them and sang to them in your super high, sing-songie voice. I have to say, some of the cats really dug that! And then you said very matter-of-factly, "I don't want a fish anymore! I want a cat!" To which the voice in my head replied in one of those super loud, super distorted, super drawn out OMFG ways, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

You see, I hate cats. Grandma Tootie always had a lot of cats in the house while I was growing up and let's just say that my experience with them was a less than positive one. I can pretty much sum it up in five words: CATS PISS ON YOUR THINGS! And also: they're weird and moody and they jump up on everything and they do exactly the opposite of what you want them to and they're hairy and gross and I always feel like I have a hair ball in my mouth when I'm around them and they constantly rub up against you in this I'm gonna-annoy-the-shit-out-of-you-until-you-do-exactly-what-I-want manner and then when you do happen to pet them or pay attention to them they dig their claws into you and you're supposed to be all -Oh, look at that he's making muffins - and even though he's destroying your favorite shirt you're supposed to sit there at love it! Cats suck.

However. I see you with animals, I see how wonderful you are with them, I see how happy they make you, and I just want you to know I love you so much - so much - that standing there in that cat room in Petsmart - I seriously considered getting you a cat. If Daddy hadn't been there, I probably would have. You were so unbelievably beautiful with them... Daddy is going out of town this weekend and, I don't know, if you mention you want a cat one more time, he's going to come home and see Snuffles sitting on the counter.

In case you are ever unsure... That's how much I love you!

Mommy

You know something's gone wrong when...

Max runs into your room yelling, MOM, WE NEED THE SCISSORS!

They were playing together super nicely with the trains... and then for some reason he decided to run the battery operated James across Alex's head. "Those rubbery, spinny wheels sure can grab a lot of hair!"

But I don't know which is scarier: the fact that Alex let him do it or the fact that she ran up after him yelling, MOM, WE NEED THE SCISSORS TO CUT MY HAIR!

Max took this shot when we were back visiting Grammy in MD. He had a really good time walking around taking pictures of everything and everyone... especially his shoes. It takes him about a year to actually click to take the picture after he's focused, but when he finally does he says, NICE ONE!

random bits

The other day...
Alex picked a ceiling hook out of the drawer, held it as an extension of her hand, and then in this deep pirate voice exclaimed: AHOY MATEYS!

A few weeks ago...
Max (all excited): I JUST FARTED AND BURPED AT THE SAME TIME!
Dan: Wow! That's an advanced move.
Max: (extremely proud): I KNOW.

A typical daily conversation...
I see Alex, with a huge wad of gum in her mouth, about to add more. She loves gum!
Me: Alex, that's enough gum. No more. I don't want you to choke.
Alex: I no will.

When he wakes up all stuffy...
Max: Mommy, I don't feel very well. I think I have The Mucous.
Me (thinking to myself): Much better than having The Vomit.

25 Things About Me

This was a Facebook meme that I finally got around to...

1. I once climbed nine peaks in one day along the the Ruby Range in the Elk Mountains: Purple Mountain, Augusta Mountain, Richmond Mountain, Hancock Peak, Oh-Be-Joyful Peak, Afley Peak, Purple Peak, Mount Owen, and Ruby Peak. I thought about that day when I was in labor both times... it's still my most difficult physical achievement.

2. Speaking of labor, I don't know why anyone would want to be a doula. Picture it: You're a doula. You're in a hospital. You open the door to a birthing room and find a mother close to 10cm circling in her bed as if she's some animal bedding down. You say hello in an extremely perky voice and ask her if she wants to bounce on a ball for a bit. Seriously? No. Look in the corner. See that guy over there in the chaise lounge stuffing his face with a burger? The husband. That's what he's for.

3. My favorite sound is my husband's laugh.

4. We were married on the beach in St. John by some guy named Frank wearing a brown polyester suit. I have no idea what our vows were, but I remember that.

5. Swimming in open water scares the crap out of me. I blame my sister. (you know what you did)

6. Heights, however, are no problem.

7. I really miss climbing... the whole adventure of it.

8. But, I'm glad to be skate skiing again. I love skate skiing. I can have snot hanging from my nose, underwear riding up, a bunion on fire, and lungs that feel like they might explode and I still love it. There's nothing like the feeling of gliding on your skis.

9. I also love to cook. I am now extremely thankful for all of my restaurant and catering experience.

10. I have been a frozen yogurt server, a note-taker for the deaf, a nanny, a hotel maid, a banquet server, a waitress, a prep cook, a fast-order cook, a bagel baker, a dish washer, a pastry chef, a pantry chef, a caterer, an art gallery clerk, a lingerie boutique clerk, a chemist, and a paralegal.

11. I'd like to try farming... nothing huge, but enough land to grow most of our own food.

12. It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned that different chickens produced different colored eggs. (i know)

13. I really want to learn to knit.

14. I don't like shopping... for anything... especially with the kids.

15. If I ever have to retie one of my shoes, I have to do the other one as well because I can't stand them feeling different (one tighter than the other).

16. I also like to have all food items in my cupboards, pantry, and refrigerator placed so that their labels are facing out.

17. I have some issues.

18. I have a large mole on the top of my right thigh (should anyone every need to identify my body?)... and a huge bunion on my right foot... and some large scars on my right knee and left hip.

19. I tend to say offensive, stupid, morbid, and completely gross things when I'm trying to be funny... and trying to come up with 25 things about me.

20. One summer, during college, I camped out to save money.

21. I actually slept better that whole summer than I have in the past 5 years.

22. I now drink slightly more coffee in a day than I probably should... sometimes a whole pot... depending on the previous night.

23. For me, the most difficult aspect of parenting is the lack of sleep. That, and my super slow reaction time. I always feel like I should have said or done something much better...

24. I was never afraid of dying until I had kids.

25. I am an extremely lucky person.

Monday Nights

Max started ice skating lessons a few weeks ago and he LOVES IT. He also really loves Brittany (his super cute skate instructor). He'll try anything for her: jump, skate backwards, sing silly songs! She has quite the motivating presence. Apparently.

Anyway, he is always very excited for Mondays now... and I actually look forward to the lessons too. After we all skate together before his lesson, Alex and I go up to the heated balcony and watch. She sits there so happily and quietly... munching on a snack and captivated by all of the kids (I had no idea it was possible for a child to be still for that long). I can actually relax... and, honestly, there really is nothing more entertaining than a bunch of kids learning to march and glide on ice.

X-country Skiing with a 3 and 5 Year Old

The 1000 words... or so : Dan leaves for his turn to skate. Off we go - the three of us - shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Max quickly realizes that he really likes to fall and flail about in the snow with his skis in the air - LOOK MOM, I'M A HELICOPTER! I plea for him to get back up (the correct way - yes, Max requires specification). Alex stops shuffling and insists that I take her gloves off so she can use Max's poles. I insist that she keep them on and she immediately drops to the snow in a crying fit. Max is back to making helicopter motions and noises. I help Alex up and take the gloves off. She shuffles away - yelling at me to not look at her. I make more pleas for Max to get up. He finally does so and actually begins to ski while trying to catch up to Alex. NICE JOB, MAX! Down he goes. Down Alex goes. Her hands get cold. She starts to cry. I pick her up and start skiing with her. Max gets up slowly and this time realizes that he can ski bent over with his hands resting on the tips of his skis. Alex is dying to try that. She screams at me to let her down. Now they are both bent over and, basically, skiing on their hands. It's actually an even slower motion than you might think. At least 50 people pass by - and enjoy the free spectacle that is my children on skis - most make a comment about my stupidity bravery. YOU HAVE NO IDEA, PEOPLE! An hour goes by and we finally make it around the quarter-mile-loop. Max yells out WHOO-HOO! THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! Alex agrees. Our tour was a raging success.