Sticks and Stones

The kids and I went for a little nature walk on Saturday afternoon to soak in some of the last bit of color and the gorgeous weather. At one point I stopped them and asked them to stand together so I could get a 'nice' picture of them.... which is the stupidest thing to say to them EVER. I regretted the words coming out of my mouth instantly. They immediately ignore me the second they hear me wanting something. But I just kept taking pictures... and in the end... came away with some of my favorite photos of them. THIS is how they are:
sometimes shy
sometimes goofy
sometimes they just love annoying eachother
sometimes the little girly girl is the biggest badass
sometimes they make each other laugh so hard their stomachs hurt
and sometimes they don't always get what they want.
No matter what, they're always living completely in the moment... and that very fact makes them so beautiful... always.

The Privilege of Being a Child

Where it's perfectly acceptable to don your wreath, hop on your bed, and twirl and dance while singing a song about donuts... just because you feel like it.

IronKids Triathlon

Last weekend Max did his first triathlon out at Boulder Reservoir:






50m swim 2 mile bike 1/2 mile run = a very tired and happy kid.

It was spectacular entertainment!

The Gross-Out Fest is Finally Over

Now it's time to cash in!

He's been planning for weeks to use his Tooth Fairy money to buy a Snickers bar from the vending machine at the gym. I keep telling him that he can't spend Tooth Fairy money on that - he can't spend ANY money on that! And he keeps telling me that it's HIS money so he can do whatever he wants with it! I say, TECHNICALLY that's true, but I don't think it'd be smart to piss off the Tooth Fairy. Just Sayin'.

Well, I think we can cross that one off the list.

Today was the last day of soccer camp for Max and they ended the morning with a little scrimmage. As I walked up to catch the last bit of the game, it seemed like everyone was having lots of fun. Then I heard the yelling. Of course it was Max. He kept shouting, "STOP IT, GUYS! I'M SO TIRED OF THIS!!!" Then he stomped off the field and landed in a squat with his back to the rest of the kids.

One of the coaches came over to talk to him and after a few minutes Max joined the game again. But he quickly started yelling at the other kids again... and storming off... even messing with the goal at one point (as in - I'm going to pick this up and twirl it above my head - because I can - because I'm done with this mess).

From what I could gather, there wasn't much sharing of the ball. Some of the kids on his team were much more advanced than he is so he was never getting a chance to kick. It's sort of how soccer goes before kids learn strategy and how to pass. It did seem like a pretty frustrating situation... constantly getting shoved out of the way by the cluster of kids fighting for the ball up and down the field.

Still, it was tough to watch. All of the other kids seemed to be handling the scene just fine... and definitely without tantrums.

The unraveling continued for another five years five minutes until the game was ended. Time was up. Soccer camp was officially over.

I HAD TO CLAIM HIM.

Fortunately, I always carry my Judgmental-Parent-Stare Shield with me.

After thanking the coaches profusely we got in the car and drove home. We talked a bit about what happened and then I asked him if he still wanted to play soccer this Fall...

"No, Mom. I really don't want to do that now."

Little Miss Awesome Goes For It

She's been talking about jumping off the diving board all summer... and yesterday was the day. Her first jump. The crowd of people hanging around the diving board area suddenly became still and extremely quiet once they saw her climb the steps to get on the board.

She took her time. Everyone watched and waited. I had no doubt she was going to do it. Once she decides she's going to do something - there's no changing her mind - it's best to just step aside and get out of her way!

There she goes!!! Look at that smile! She popped quickly back to the surface to lots of cheering and swam beautifully to the side before climbing out - teeming with pride.
Nicely done, girl.

Keep bearing right and you'll get there - eventually. I think.

Max is about to lose an upper front tooth. It has been extremely loose for weeks and he likes to play with it and wiggle it back and forth. The sound of the flesh tearing off each time he moves it is so absolutely revolting to me. Max is quite delighted by this knowledge. In fact, I've come to realize that nothing grosses me out more than a dangling tooth. NOTHING.

Which is weird. Right? Anyone who has taken care of kids, or any creature for that matter, gets use to A LOT of distasteful situations. Like this one:

Max and Alex love sushi. They're fairly atypical kids that way. When you ask them where they'd like to go for dinner, most of the time they will say they want sushi. Which is what they said when we were in Crested Butte in June and were going out to eat with my friend, Angie. SUSHI! they yelled in unison. Great. It sounded good to the both of us too. So we went, we ordered, and we waited.

The thing about sushi restaurants is that they're not really very kid friendly. So there's not much for them to do while they wait. If there's a long wait and the kids start to get extremely hungry... bad things tend to happen. For starters, Max discovers there are at least 101 different things to do with chopsticks. 90% of these things are either excessively annoying or inappropriate... and OH MY GOD can you stop touching your sister!?! It's pissing her off and making her scream and people are staring and wondering why the fuck we've taken kids to a sushi restaurant that is so obviously really just for mature adults!!!! No, he can not stop touching her, torturing her is way too interesting...

Right. So the food finally comes. Hallelujah. It looks amazing and is delicious. Max and Alex are voraciously eating whatever is placed on their plate. * Watching your kids eat raw fish with such rapture is amazing. Until they ask you for more... and more... and it dawns on you that each bite they take is costing you 5$. Then you start offering more miso soup... rice perhaps?! * Nope. They only want more salmon.

The only thing left are the salmon rolls... so we give them some. Alex takes hers apart and takes small sensible bites. Max, of course, sticks the whole piece in his mouth. While I'm enthralled in fantastic conversation, completely enjoying the meal and the fact that there is no more screaming, Max starts to choke on the long piece of Nori encasing the roll. At which point, I look over just in time to watch him vomit the roll, and more, onto his plate.

I am entirely unphased by the vomit... although Angie, after having witnessed the same scene, looks like she might hurl herself. And she's mortified. As any normal person would be. Except I've been through this several times before and I'm actually elated that a) not much came up, and b) there was no projectile aspect - it's all contained on the plate. It could have been so much worse, but this... this is no problem. Let's just get him a new plate because, of course, he's still hungry for more! The waiter comes over and is paralyzed for a few seconds after I hand him the plate and ask for a new one. Dude, this is nothing more than a minor blip. Angie remains speechless...

To this day, she's still too affected by the whole experience to really even discuss it... and I'm like... what?... it was just a little vomit. It's not like he was wiggling his dangly tooth in front of you?!?

One of my newest mantras...

I read this last night and just needed to write it down. I knew all of this, but not really.

"There are times as a parent when you realize that your job is not to be the parent you always imagined you'd be, the parent you always wished you had. Your job is to be the parent your child needs, given the particulars of his or her own life and nature. It's hard to separate your remembered childhood and its emotional legacy from the childhoods that are being lived out in your house, by your children. If you're lucky, your kids will help you make that distinction. - You want to protect them, but sometimes what you have to protect them from is the ongoing avalanche of your own childhood..."
Ayelet Waldman
Bad Mother

A sad commentary on a mother's paranoia...

I know running after the ice cream truck in the summertime is supposed to be a wonderful childhood memory... but I just can't seem to embrace the tradition for my kids. I actually find the whole scene disturbing. The eery, tinkly melody. The extraordinarily slow driving by the creepy driver. The decrepit nature of the truck...

As one rolled down the street the other evening, I imagined what Max and Alex will say when they reminisce about their ice cream truck experience in the future. Unfortunately, I think it'll go something like this:

M: Do you remember when the ice cream truck would come down the street in the summer?

A: Ya. We were so excited to hear that music! We'd be staring out the windows with our noses pressed against the glass... trying not to lose sight of it.

M: And we'd beg for money to go out and get something, but Mom would never give us any.

A: Or even let us out of the house.

M: She was completely convinced the driver was some child predator stalking the neighborhood.

A: She's such a freak.

M: I know.

A: Then we had to just watch it drive away.

M: That sucked.

A: Ya. It did.

I may have some anger issues... it's partly why I run...

First of all, I am a bike rider. I believe riding bikes is a very good thing. Most bike riders are super courteous. This is for the ones that don't get it.

For the morons... on bikes.

There are some things I'd very much like you to consider:

1. I am running on the extreme right edge of the massively wide path so that people can easily pass me on the left. Therefore, it is absolutely unnecessary for you to ring your obnoxious bell to alert me of your presence. I realize I'm running on a bike path! I assume that riders will be passing me! While I'm sure it's fantastically hilarious to watch me startle, trip, and narrowly avoid face planting; I'd really prefer a run without that kind adrenaline rush.

2. When you do happen to ride by me it is also unnecessary - after already frantically ringing said obnoxious bell - to scream in my ear that YOU'RE PASSING ON THE LEFT when YOU ARE - ACTUALLY - PASSING ME ON THE LEFT?!?

3. If you are passing someone on a WIDE path - especially with no one coming in the opposite direction - and that person has to jump off of the edge of the path to avoid getting hit by you... that is... um... TOO FUCKING CLOSE!

4. Passing someone so closely can have some serious consequences. For instance, it's quite likely that an arm could suddenly - and not so accidentally - swing wide and shove your dumb ass off your bike.

5. I'm pretty sure that would be your fault.

The end.

"Max, guess what..."

"IT'S CHERRY SEASON!"
Alex has just rediscovered how delicious cherries are... but I suspect the majority of her excitement is due to the pit spitting aspect.

It only stings for a few minutes...

Max is now at the stage where he wants to try ALL kinds of things off the diving board. Which is pretty much what I remember doing all summer long when I was growing up. There was lots of tennis and swim team practice, but most of our time was spent goofing around in the pool and doing crazy tricks off the diving board. We would even send our little dachshund off at times - wearing a life jacket - of course. I'm sure he LOVED it.

Anyway, Max was super keen to try a flip on Sunday. He was a bit apprehensive at first so he practiced off the side. After this trial run he was feeling pretty confident. He promptly got in line and tried a flip off of the board... and landed flat on his back! He came up screaming - in complete pain - "IT HURTS SO BAD!" He has not tried another flip since... but today he thinks he should go for a backward dive... to which Alex replied, "MAX, I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA."

I think he should TOTALLY go for it.

Evolution of a Dinner Conversation

Max has finished everything on his plate - as usual - and starts looking around the table for any food left on our plates. He ends up - as usual - eyeballing Alex's plate. It's still half full of food.

*Alex, are you done with your fish?

*No, Max... you can't have it. I'm going to eat all of it.

Incredulous looks all around.

Eventually, she does indeed finish it. Max downs another glass of milk. He eats twice as much as I do these days. Alex actually eats more than a few nibbles. It's fairly bazaar watching them both at the dinner table now. I could swear it was just yesterday when it was one big, babbling, mess fest.

Alex starts chatting about gymnastics... and seriously, I'm always so amazed by the details in her recollection of an event. She can talk about what she did - or didn't do, how she FELT about it, what other girls did - or didn't do, what other girls were wearing... She's just so aware of her surroundings.

Max, on the other hand, is not like that. At all. It pains him to try to tell you about his day... or even his gymnastics class an hour ago. However, this is the sort of thing he does throw out there:

*Did you know that any number + itself is always an even number?

Ya, that's true, Max. There's talk of even and odd numbers. Did you know that there are also negative numbers?

*Ya, like -15. Discussion on how weird it is that there are negative numbers...

Ya. So what would you get if you subtracted 11 from 10?

*-1. Duh.

More incredulous looks.

Yep. That's right.

Stop saying, Duh.

What They're Doing When They're Not Watching Sponge-Bob

Yesterday we tried hiking a ways up Mt. Crested Butte, but they weren't too excited to have to use their legs to go "NOWHERE" ! The whining reached astronomical proportions... and I was beatin' down pretty quickly. So we went to town for lunch with Angie and lots of play in the park. They had no problem using their legs there... for 2 hours.
Then we drove to Taylor Canyon for some climbing on real rock with my good friend, Tom. Max had a great time talking and grunting his way up.
Alex was determined to do "much better than Max." She didn't end up getting quite as high, but she had some pretty brilliant moves... We'll definitely have to do more of this when we get home.

Crested Butte

I have now been with the kids for 5 days straight without a break and the fracture lines are definitely beginning to widen.

At this point, when Max and Alex aren't fully engaged in an activity, they are either fighting with each other, otherwise annoying each other, playing with each other - but annoying me with their various, irritating noises, or complaining and whining about a perceived injustice.

So it was with great disappointment when we discovered this morning that all of the mountain activities - I had thought/hoped we could do - aren't open until after we leave - and they're too young for horseback riding or river rafting. I tried enticing them with a treasure hunt under the ski lifts, but they weren't interested in WALKING... AT ALL.

Thankfully, there is a little pottery painting studio downtown. We spent all afternoon slapping paint on all kinds of ceramic items. It was fun - but it wasn't what I'm used to doing here. It's strange being here with children.

I want to play in these gorgeous mountains. I will admit it... I want to escape... to feel free... to be quiet.

It's just not going to happen.

Ouray

We drove into Ouray Monday afternoon and soaked in the Hot Springs Pool for a couple of hours - until we were complete prunes and starving for dinner. It was one of the best times I've ever had with the kids. We had perfect weather for hanging out in hot springs - cloudy with light rain. At first the kids were completely mesmerized just watching the rain drops ripple on the water. But before long Max was doing laps on the slides while Alex swam... and swam... and swam. She never got cold!!! Then we all played a great game of catch with our little, Nerf football.

The next morning we got up and played at the park for a while before the pool opened.


We happened to get done swimming at the same time Dan rode into town - on his 3rd day of the bike tour. So the kids 'helped' him set his tent up in the park and we took in the spectacle of hundreds of riders descending upon a small town. Then we made our way to Crested Butte.

Molas Pass

On our way from Durango to Ouray we stopped at the top of Molas Pass to enjoy the view. To get to this overlook you can either walk this nice, short, safe path OR you can - as Max did - and then Alex insisted on doing - and then I had to do - climb/scramble up a very steep and very NOT safe rock wall.

It was somewhat without incident... and then this sweet stranger offered to take our picture.

We Rode the Train!

We rode the train from Silverton to Durango today.

All I can say is... there was a lot of excitement to get ON the train... and... after that... not so much. Alex fell asleep in my lap 30 minutes in and Max busied himself with playing checkers on my iphone and running back and forth to get hot chocolate. Free refills!!!!! AND he got to cross 2 cars to get to the snack car! Should I be worried that his favorite part was finding out that there was a snack car?

He also ended up having to poop during the ride. After what seemed like an abnormally long time - he finally emerged from the bathroom and announced - VERY LOUDLY- that the bathroom was AMAZING!!! Afterwards, he proceeded to tell everyone in our car (they couldn't help hearing) about the toilet... and how it worked... and about how big his poop was... and that it was in the shape of a horse shoe... and IT STILL WENT DOWN when he pushed his foot to flush it!!!

I can't even begin to describe what it's like... getting used to those sorts of public conversations...

Anyway, since Alex was on my lap most of the way I just sort of sat there and watched the gorgeous scenery fade in and out. It was actually very relaxing... and then... after watching everyone bounce from one window to another - taking thousands of photos... I thought... shit... I guess I should get one too... so I stuck the camera out the window and snapped this shot towards the end. I think it'll do.

Poolside

So far, our swimming outings this summer have been more about the lunch picnic and playing Uno on our towels than about actually swimming - which is just fine with me. My goal this summer is to RELAX and just enjoy being with the kids - no matter what we're doing. So far, so good.

Garden Goodies

I don't think boys ever get tired of playing with hoses. He was supposed to be watering thirsty plants, but that apparently doesn't have the same appeal as watching the water ricochet off the fence...
Trying not to step on newly planted seedlings behind all of that spinach that over wintered... we currently have A LOT of spinach...
Picking the first of the sugar snap peas. Everyday he walks around the garden sampling the herbs and greens... he loves it all!
Only Daddy can make her laugh like this...
Dan is freaking out that they are both IN his garden, but look, he's handling it beautifully. Notice all of that spinach behind him... did I mention we have A LOT of spinach right now?!
Our very own Awkward Family Photo...
Looking for asparagus worms to squish... you haven't lived 'til you've had worm juice splattered in your face!

Shhhhh! Kitty's Sleeping!

I came down the stairs this afternoon to find Alex putting Kitty down for a nap on the coffee table. She was turning her little music box so that Kitty would have a lullaby before sleeping...

Be still my heart.

Then she demanded, in loud whisper, that EVERYONE BE QUIET! Honestly, the house is never as tranquil as when Kitty is sleeping.

The look the feel of summer.

I was feeling like a rockin' camp counselor yesterday as we checked items off the TO DO LIST. We even washed the outsides of the windows and went to gymnastics!!!

But then Max informed me last night that the list wasn't just for yesterday... it's for EVERYDAY this summer.

Of course it is. Why would he ever expect any less?

The First Day of Summer Vacation Kicked My Ass

And this is the TO DO LIST Max made for today:

Bike Ride
Swim
Games
Library
Ice Cream Shop
Crab walk Race
Obstacle Race
Play Tennis
Kick my soccer ball (He spells soccer SOCKER because, he says, "I am a much better speller than you are!")
Watch TV
Movie
Lakeside Amusement Park

Am I going to make it? Doubtful.

North Table Mtn. Hike

We went for a short hike over the weekend...
I'm just going to go stand by the edge of this cliff over here...
She refuses to wear short sleeve shirts or shorts - no matter how hot it is. To say that my kids despise change would probably be the biggest understatement of the century.
I love her in this hat though.

Not one whine about being tired. An absolute record. In fact, they ran a lot of the way! Sometimes I really, really like that they're growing up...

Waiting for the taxi to arrive...

After school cart wheel lessons with Dahlia are totally paying off. He actually LISTENS to her! Beyond weird... and way beyond cute.

Where's Kitty???

This is probably the most repeated phrase in our house, "Where's Kitty? Have you seen Kitty? Max, do you know where Kitty is? Kitty, where are you???"...

Kitty is Alex's most beloved stuffed animal. Kitty is named Kitty because, duh, she's a kitty. Lots of people try to ask Alex what her animal's name is... which makes me cringe a bit at this point... knowing how she'll answer. Alex always looks back at them, staring for a while to discern whether or not they are really that stupid, and then with utter disdain she announces, "It's Kitty!"

As the most beloved stuffed animal, Kitty gets taken everywhere Alex goes... then Alex promptly leaves Kitty wherever she ends up... and then she gets distracted and moves on to all kinds of other things... so that when she's ready to go again or trying to fall asleep... she NEEDS Kitty - can't FIND Kitty - NEVER remembers where she's left Kitty - and absolutely CANNOT go on living without Kitty!

So Dan and I are sent out to search - amidst the morning rush to get to school on time - right before she goes to sleep - and countless other times in between. "Has anyone seen Kitty? Kitty, where are you?"

Beloved Kitty is almost as annoying as a real cat. She never comes when you call... even with a real sweet, "Here KittyKittyKitty! Here KittyKittyKitty!" And when you do happen to get lucky and find her, she has this super smug look on her face... all secretly joyous that you've had to get up off your ass or run around like an insane person unearthing every room in the house to find her.

Still, while I am beginning to not like Kitty so much, I am extremely grateful she makes Alex so happy... without needing a litter box.

Stencil Art: NOT Appropriate for Unsupervised Activity

PS. That shit does NOT wash off!

My Mom Is Special

This questionnaire was on the backside of the sheet with a hand print, picture, and poem that Max gave to me for Mother's Day. It's very sweet and made me laugh.

My mom is special because she loves me.

I like it when my mom lets me watch TV.

My mom can do many things. I think she's best at cleaning.

My mom has a pretty smile. I like to make her smile by hugging her and kissing her.

My mom is as pretty as a flower.

My mom is smart! She even knows Math.

By Max
5-7-2010

You can tell he's a man of few words. Elaborating is definitely not his thing... that would mean more writing. He's not a fan of writing! However, one thing is very clear. I am obviously doing way too much house work.

That, or he's getting an early start on his argument for why he shouldn't have cleaning chores. I can almost hear it now. "But, Mom. You're so good at cleaning! That's what you're best at. So... you should do it. I'm best at watching TV. That's what I should do."

Mother's Day. Luckily, just like any other day.

My sister and nephews came by for a picnic yesterday. The kids spent hours blowing bubbles, wielding lacrosse sticks, lobbing balls at each other -at the house - over the fence, and testing themselves on various obstacle courses... basically having a completely fantastic time. While my sister and I did what we do best... we sat in the sunshine and made each other laugh.

Technically, not a great photo... but look at those smiles. We're secretly wishing we were at the spa so happy to just be sitting on our butts.
The miracle shot, sort of. Does it count if you have to say, "Look at me and smile, dammit!"?