This post is for later - like a few years from now - when I wonder why the kids don't ask me questions anymore.

Bedtime discussion...

Alex: Mommy, how does a mermaid pee?

My split second thought process... okay... it might have been a few minutes...

*If I say they don't pee, she will use this answer when she doesn't want to pee - which seems to be a lot these days - "I'm a mermaid now, Mommy, and mermaids don't pee!" Great. Also, it's kind of confusing. I can't say that.

*If I say it actually comes out some where, where would that be, and how would I explain it? Also kind of confusing... and exhausting for me. What is the exact physiology of the mermaid fin? Maybe there's a zipper? Weird. And super confusing. She'd never buy that.

*I can honestly say, I've never wondered this before. She is clearly much smarter than I am.

*I could say it just comes out a tiny hole covered by a flap... or... the gills... No, that seems kind of gross... that's like peeing in the pool... all the time... and then I'd have to explain gills... and then she'd be all, "but how can they use gills for breathing and peeing????"

*Beyond confusing.

*I'd also have to explain why she doesn't have gills.... I just know it. Gills is definitely not a good answer. Come on, Katie. Use your imagination! Be creative!

*Nothin'.

*I need to google this...


So, I end up saying:

"I have no idea. Why are you hiding the sprinkles under your bed?"

The Big Top Cupcake

Thank you, Grandma K for sending us the mold for the Big Top Cupcake. We made a chocolate one yesterday and put lots of chocolate fudge icing on it. Max and Alex were pretty blown away to actually see it come together right before their eyes. Ever since they saw the infomercial on TV, they've been absolutely dying for one! I'm so glad we can go on living now.

How much longer do I have to say, "I'm sorry?"

So... last October... I was driving the car with Max and Alex in back... like I do everyday... and we had the windows rolled down. But Alex started crying because it was blowing her hair around and Max started yelling because he was too cold so... I rolled the windows up.

Only... rolling the windows up didn't stop Alex's crying - in fact it became screaming and crying - and then Max started screaming and crying because Alex wouldn't stop screaming and crying and GOD FORBID anyone should be louder than he is!!!

For some reason... at that particular moment... probably because there is just SO MUCH screaming and crying in any given day... I chose to just ignore it all... and turned the music up real loud so that I could concentrate on the driving... which, in truth, is usually the thing being ignored with kids in the car.

ANYWAY, after a few minutes of the chaos, it became clear that maybe something was ACTUALLY WRONG. So... I turned the music down and screamed, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?" Alex tried to reply, but I couldn't understand her so I calmly asked Max if he knew what she was trying to say - he's pretty good at translating for Alex when she's crying so hard she can't speak clearly - and he was all, "HER FINGERS ARE CAUGHT IN THE WINDOW!!!!"

Sure enough, I look back at poor Alex with her little arm hanging from the top of the window by two fingers. I immediately roll the window down and stop to check and make sure they're not crushed. Thankfully, they were not crushed... but it took a while for the dents to disappear. I felt so terrible and kept telling her I was so sorry... over and over and over.

I don't think the apologies mattered much. This event deeply scarred my daughter!

However, I didn't realize the extent of the scarring until Spring came this year and we started rolling the windows down for some fresh air.

The second I push that button these days, it's automatic: "Max make sure you keep your fingers out of the window because do you remember when Mommy closed the windows on my fingers and she wouldn't roll it back down and it hurt so badly!?!!! Do you remember that? When she did that?! It really hurt. Mommy please don't close the windows on my fingers again. Okay?! I will tell you when to roll the windows up. When it's safe. Okay?! You don't just do it. Cause then you might close the window on my fingers again and I don't want you to do that because it REALLY HURT BADLY! You really hurt me badly!"

Now every time I try to roll the windows down, I have to relive one of my most embarrassing parenting moments... over and over and over again!

After School Pick-Up

As we drove away from the curb of the school yesterday, Max shouted from his window,"I'M SORRY, DAHLIA, I CAN'T PRACTICE CARTWHEELS WITH YOU TODAY!!!! LOOK, MY MOM WAS ON TIME!!!!"

It was one of those statements that so perfectly illustrates the true essence of Max: the juxtaposition of his pure, carefree innocence and his wise, blunt honesty.

It's true. I am usually about 10 minutes late... to avoid the parking lot chaos, of course.

I was actually sorry then... that I had arrived on time for once.

Driving up and seeing your little boy practicing cartwheels in the grass with lots of little girls is totally the sort of thing that just makes your day.

But he assured me it was okay - "the grass is still wet from all that rain."

He Has Moved On...

It's official.

Go.Diego.Go underwear is no longer cool!

In fact, it is HATED.

I've actually sort of known this for a long time.

They've stayed at the bottom of the drawer for months -

until yesterday -

when he had to wear them.

All of his manly underwear were in the wash.

He hated that he had to wear something so STUPID!

And now I find myself

really missing

that little boy who used to

absolutely adore

wearing cartoon characters on his butt.

The Professor

The Wackadoo Zoo performance was today. Max was amazing! Seriously, that's what I was thinking... and that's what all of the other parents were saying. Considering it's a pretty rare moment to hear so many people raving about your child; I definitely relished all the praise. It was awesome.

Kinda makes me wonder though... how is it... he can learn all of those lines, remember all of those songs... PERFORM in front of the entire school and parents... no problem whatsoever... and not recall what he ate for lunch?!?

At any rate, it has finally come to pass and while I'm extremely grateful he was given such an opportunity... I am also extremely glad it's over. I don't think I could have endured the reactions to "you need to practice" one more time.

Also, I hope he never has to wear glasses. They irritated the crap out of him.

Why, YES, that IS a rubber band on my head!

Things have been extremely challenging around the house lately. All I can say is... INSANE SENSORY ISSUES!

Of course BOTH of the kids would have problems. What a silly, silly woman I am... thinking Max would be only one...

ANYWAY, Alex just came upstairs wearing this rubber band around her head as if it was the most normal place for it to be.... because... duh, "It keeps the hair out of my eyes!"

And THAT... THAT is how kids survive the true beauty of kids. They take you to the brink... even to the point where you're dangling over the edge... and then they get this keen sense... uh oh, mother is about to lose her mind... time for some comic relief.

Et Voila!