This morning I went jogging on the river path near our house like I try to do everyday. I love this path. It has dense woods, wildlife (foxes, beavers, eagles, kingfishers, blue heron, and even pelicans), the constant sound of running water, and since it's in the middle of the city, unfortunately some graffiti. Max and Alex were riding in the jogger...kickin' back...when all of the sudden Max spotted the spray paint. "Look, Mommy," he shouted, "someone drew a nice picture for us!" "That was so nice of them!" All I had the breathe for was, "Ya, I guess so." "Ya, Mommy, I really like it."

Ever Wonder What Max Is Doing While I'm Blogging?

This is what the inside of a SuperSac looks like. If I told you how quiet the house was... you'd just call me an idiot.

A New Era Begins

As I was laying on the ground today at the park, looking up at the golden sunlight filtering through the trees, Max came by and sat on my stomach. Then he shot me a concentrated look and proceeded to fart! He tried to fight it, but he was so pleased with himself that he had to smile...and then this..."Why are you laughing, Mommy - what's so funny?"

So there you have it...the art of farting for comedy begins at age 3!

I am, of course, as I have been since giving birth for the first time, both strangely proud and slightly horrified.

And for those of you thinking of Alex...poor poor Alex. What will she endure with that brother of hers? The minute Max planted his ass on my stomach, Alex maneuvered a not-so-graceful landing on my face. If not for a lack of muscle control she would have been right there with him I'm sure.

"Mommy, I Have To Tell You Something!"

EARLY MORNING CHAT WHILE WE GRIND COFFEE
"Mommy, I have to tell you something. Um, um...a square...has four sides." That's right, Max. "And a circle doesn't have any sides...and it can roll."
"Um, Mommy, I have to tell you something." What. "Um, you know what melts?...ice cream melts!...and also butter." It sure does.
"Um, Mommy, I have to tell you something else. Um, um, um...what eats bananas?" I don't know. What? "Monkeys, silly!" Oh, yes, I think they do!!!

CAR RIDE
"Mommy, what's 2+2?" Count my fingers...4. YEP.
"Mommy, what's 4+4?" That's 8...counting my fingers again. YAY!
"Mommy, what's 4+8?" 12.
"Mommy, what's 4+4+8+8?" Um, 24. YAY! "You're so smart, Mommy!"
"YA!" seconds Alex.
I'm glad we have a few years before integrals.

WALK FROM CAR TO PRESCHOOL
"Mommy, what are they (construction) doing?"
They're getting ready to make a new playground and parking lot.
"WHY?"
"The new school needs them."
"Oh...what is this (small bulldozer)?"
"Why aren't they using it?"
"I'm not sure. They must not need it right now."
"But why?"
"I don't know, Max."
"But why, Mommy?"
"Maybe they need to dig bigger holes."
"WHY?"
"They need to lay really big pipes."
"Why?"
"You know, actually, I think it's just broken."
"Ya, I think it's broken. They can't use it. Let's go, Mom! We're late!!!"

DISCUSSION IN THE JOGGER
"Alex, do you know what it is now? It's Fall!"
"YA!"
"And that's when the leaves turn lots of different colors. See?"
"YA!"
"And then, sometimes, the wind blows the leaves OFF the trees and they fall to the ground and then they turn into even more colors!"
"YA!"
"Ya, that's what it is!"
"YA!"
"Alex, do you like your lollipop! Is it yummy?"
"YA!"
"Alex, do you want to trade?"
"NO!"

Saturday Stroll

I Take It Back

Just a small sample...aren't they beautiful? I don't really hate the garden...I just don't like the pressure of a massive harvest while I'm home alone. Kids and canning do not mix. Actually, I'm just not a canning, pickling, dehydrating, sauce making kind of girl. Dan's that kinda guy though. He even pickled some zucchini a couple of weeks ago. I'm really ever so not thrilled...but I'm trying to reserve judgement for the big reveal this winter...

I completely spaced Max's first soccer game this weekend. Feel terrible about it. Of course, maybe if he'd let me sleep I might have some normal cognitive abilities. We went to a BBQ that night and after about an hour of running around with the other kids and some dinner, Max curled up on one of the cushioned lounge chairs outside and asked for a blanket...if you give your kid a blanket while at a party, he'll snuggle up and then ask for some lemonade...after you get him some lemonade...he'll want some chips to go with it...then he'll ask for more lemonade...then more chips...you'll give this all to him and then he'll proceed to fall asleep by the fire...under the stars...you'll look at your child and try to think about how many more years you have before you're able to do that...then you'll be thankful that you're at a party-there are adults to talk to-you have a glass of wine-and your husband is taking care of your other one...

We've been reading a lot of Laura Numeroff lately: If You Give a Mouse A Cookie, If You Give a Moose a Muffin, If You Give a Pig a Pancake. Max actually requested them last time we were at the library. It's the first time he's ever wanted anything besides Charlie and Lola. I was so glad to find them on the shelves. Alex is really likes Sandra Boynton these days: Blue Hat, Green Hat, and The Going To Bed Book...and Mrs. Wishy-Washy by Joy Crowley - she likes to point and say, "In the tub you GO!" I have a little feeling our current dictator may be ousted fairly soon.

"Breaking My Motherly Balls"

That's definitely not mine. But thank you, Annne Lamott (Operating Instructions). It pretty much sums up my week, sans husband, perfectly. We started off strong...going to the train museum...then to the outdoor waterpark nearby... Max was on his best behavior and I managed to keep them both from drowning AND getting lost. I was feeling on top of my game.

Then Alex fell Sun. night and cut her tongue on one of her teeth. I didn't realize how badly until later on that evening (it bled a lot, but had stopped and she was acting fine). Monday morning I took a look and the gash was so deep there was a bit of a flap and it really freaked me out! To make a long story short, I called my pediatrician for some advice and mostly reassurance. I ended up talking with a super bitchy and uninformed nurse practitioner who made me feel like a dumb, neglectful ass for not rushing my baby to the ER instantly. She sent me to the urgent care unit at the hospital (wrong place) and I eventually waited three hours and paid $100 for the physician's assistant (too ridiculous for even a doctor to look at) to glance at her tongue for a couple of seconds and tell me she'll be just fine. "We only suture if the tongue is practically falling off." Great. Thank you. By the way, waiting three hours in an ER with two small children translates into about three unbelievably stressfull days and I can't even begin to describe the number of subsequent injuries that were narrowly avoided!!!

Her tongue has been healing pretty well, although she's been quite a bit crankier than normal... what with a gash in her tongue and all. She even fell again yesterday and bit it in the same spot. Oya-Vay!

Somewhere between then and the edge of now... and all of the tomato sauce and pesto making and bean picking (I officially hate gardening)... in between the mountains of laundry, the tantrums, the dinner I make every night that noone eats and just ends up all over the floor and in a certain someone's hair...the carrying of both of them everywhere... the not napping...and the "Eat your breakfast now or you're going to be late for school!!!" for the tenth time every morning... I just sort of desintegrated.

And then I poured myself a glass of wine.