Warning: Contents of head somewhat dark and twisty- and, frankly, more than a little off.

I did the Octoberfest Sprint Triathlon up in Longmont last weekend and it was a great race! I'm really glad I did it. Nothing but good memories. However, when I saw this photo of the event; this inner dialogue came rushing back into my head...
God, I'm cold!
*I wish I'd put my wetsuit on.
It's just cold outside. The water is warm. Ish.
*Ya, but almost everyone is wearing theirs.
Wimps.
*So what if you freeze. It'll only be for 20min max. You can do anything for 20min.
Fuck. I think I left the coffee on.
*No, I'm pretty sure you turned it off.
Really? No, I don't remember flipping the switch. Shit!
*I think people are staring at my nipples - it's so fucking cold!
You're such a dork.
*I know.
A very, very purpley dork.
*Shut up. It was on sale!!! And it didn't look this... purple... in the picture.
Dude, that's Online Shopping 101. Everything looks much more obnoxious in your living room... or on you.
*Crap. I'm pretty sure I left the coffee on.
SPEEDO GUY!
*EWWWW.
There's at least one at every race.
*Also, I don't think I closed the garage door...
You did. And it's always the guy that shouldn't be anywhere near a Speedo - let alone wearing one.
*Ya, SUN! Come on up!!!! It's nice to see you!
Wow. Yoga in your Speedo - right now? Really?
*Ugh. I do not feel like getting in the water.
Why are there all these tiny, dead fish in the sand?
*Cause I needed even less incentive...
You're gonna be fine. You'll do great. You've got this.
*Right. Someone is in my house right now, stealing everything... but I've totally got this.
Maybe they'll turn the coffee off, after having a cup, before they leave...

And I just want to say, seriously, this is a testament to the fact that my ability to leave the house - at all - is pretty awesome.