Down on The Man

This past month with Max has been a (deep breath) particularly rough one. He's been sick a lot and has, since his birthday, acquired one hell of a foul mood. I think it's going to be another rough YEAR. At the beginning of year number 4, I was thinking I had survived some of the worst of it for a while and that things were sure to be smooth sailing for a bit...at least, right?! I always have been somewhat of a moron.

There I was decorating the dining room on his birthday with balloons and streamers when he walked in to ask me what I was doing. I told him I was decorating the room to make it special for him while we ate his special sushi dinner and chocolate cake for dessert and he said, "Well, I don't like it, Mommy. You should take it down. I don't like it. I don't want it special. I just want balloons that I can play with (balloons that haven't been tied-so you can blow them up over and over again and watch them fly around the room when you let the air out-of course I had tied them all). You shouldn't have done this, Mommy." He proceeded to throw up his special birthday dinner and cake that night and I chalked his comments up to his not feeling very well.

His crushing comments like that have lingered long beyond his illnesses. Part of it is just his natural temperament. He's extremely sensitive, perceptive, serious and analytical. Some might even say critical. He usually has a strong reaction to anything new. He's his father's son. He is brutally honest. But it's his increasing defiance these days that has me at a complete loss. And by loss I mean a loss for wise, mature, adult-like reactions from me. The child in me knows exactly what to say...but sadly, it's nothing I'd want my child repeating...
For instance...

When you tell him your plan for the day. He says, "Oh, Man. I don't want to do that. That's not my plan, Mommy. I want a different plan. I want to go swimming. (All he wants to do is swim now since he has started swimming underwater.)" We can go swimming after we do those other things...and he says, "Awe, NO WAY! That's not my plan. I don't want to do it later." Max, get dressed!!!!! "Oh, Man. I just want to go swimming.".....

When you tell him to take his shoes off ... or basically anything he doesn't want to do...especially brush his teeth... he says, "No, Mommy. It doesn't care, Mommy! (it doesn't matter)." Oh, it cares, Max. You're climbing all over the couch. Take your shoes off, please. "OH, MAN. I just don't want to do that!"

When you tell him what you're making for dinner he says (even if he has really liked it in the past), "Oh, Man. I just don't want that, Mommy. That's not what I wanted for dinner. I don't like that, Mommy! I'm not eating that."

When you tell him it's time to turn the TV off because he's already watched something like 13 shows (This was when Alex was sick and she was glued to me.) he says, "NO, Mom! Diego is on next!" You've already seen it 3 times today! And then I break into song: Ahhhh, Rescue Pack...Comin' to the Rescue...nothing pisses him off more than having to listen to me sing. I can't blame him. I turn the TV off and offer to play a game. "Oh, MAN!!! I said I just want to watch Go-Diego-Go again! I just want to! I don't like what you just did, Mom! I don't like you turning the TV off like that!"

Then there's yesterday. I was making sugar cookies and he wanted to help eat the cookie dough. I let him have some tastes. When he wanted more and I told him no he lost it. "I hate you, Mommy. Mommy, I hate you. Mommy, I don't like doing things with you. I hate you, Mommy." I told him I was really sorry that he felt that way and I was sorry I couldn't let him eat more cookie dough. He just went on and on. "I just hate you, Mommy." Listening to those words, part of me just ached inside ... for me and for him. The other part tried to remain calmly detached ... trusting the process. (It is actually amazing how detached parents have to be at times to retain the right rational and perspective.) Then I thought ... where did he learn this? We don't ever talk like that?! At any rate, after about 10 minutes he came back into the kitchen and was quite lovely ... as if nothing had happened at all...

Ahhhhh...at least I know my son doesn't have a problem expressing his feelings.